You know those days that creep on you, when your emotions simply take over and you lose all control and composure? It happened to me yesterday, a compilation of many issues that lead to a complete breakdown. I couldn't have controlled it if I wanted to. The timing was completely wrong. I was trying to get ready for a night out with my husband, a new babysitter had just arrived and I was trying to get dinner on the table before we left. The phone rings and in ten minutes I'm a puddle. As I watched the room around me blur from my tears, I tried without success to stifle my sobs. This had, however, been building from weeks of stress and an emotional roller coaster. And I had opened the flood gates. So I let it out.
After a little while I hear a very soft murmur of my name. "Mama?". I tried to hide my face but it was too late. Julia had come in to get something and seeing me crying she was instantly afraid. "Mama, what's wrong?". I couldn't even speak. So she held me and I let it out. She patted my hair and stroked my cheek. She wiped my tears and told me that everything was going to be okay.
When did my little girl become so grown up? In that moment our roles were reversed. Her holding me while a cried as if my heart was broken, reminding me of all the times when I had simply held her and let her cry it out. It was just what I needed and as her little girl arms encircled me I felt a little peace and the sadness subsided. I knew she was there for me and it was exactly what I needed.
I am so grateful for my Julia. My little girl. My grown up girl. My girl.
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