Swine Blues

I'm home today with a sick daughter. This is day number 4 of watching her battle a virus that I'm pretty sure is the dreaded Swine Flu. She doesn't just have a few of the symptoms, she has them all. And although I know that it needs to run its course it has been a very long and trying week.

Our first day home on Tuesday her spirits (and mine) were good. We thought it was just a cold and were secretly excited about being home together for a sick day. This meant movies and snuggling, snacking and jammies, and maybe even a nap. She lounged on the couch while I attended to her every need and enjoyed mothering her. I was able to catch up on laundry and cleaning that never got done over the weekend while she napped and rested.

On Wednesday I was still happy to keep her home. She was feeling better but I thought with all the flu stuff going around it was better to keep her home until she really felt good. She fought me a little, having had enough of "mom time" yesterday. The thought of movies and resting kind of lost its appeal. But she gave in we replayed the roles from the previous day. By the afternoon she had showered and was working on her missed homework that I had picked up for her earlier that day. She was trying to prove to me that she felt better, trying to get me to let her go to an orchestra event that was scheduled for that night. I gave in and agreed that if she felt up to it she could go for part of it. She was happy and feeling better (so I thought). 6:00 o'clock came and I said, "okay Jules, let's do this". She looked up at me from her bean bag chair with tears streaming down her face and said "I don't feel good". She'd been fighting it all day, putting on a brave face and trying to tell herself she felt fine. She had fooled me but now it was obvious she couldn't do it any more.

Here we are now, still sick. Doctor's appointment today but I know in my mind what they will say. "It needs to run its course". This is by far one of the hardest jobs as a mom. I am exhausted just watching her go through this. I'm angry at myself for those few times in the last couple days that I gritted my teeth when she asked for something, for the twelth time in an hour. I am craving a normal day-her going to school, me going to work and feeling like I've accomplished something. But most of all, I miss my happy little girl. I want her to feel better.