Forgiveness

I'm teetering on the edge of forgiveness and anger. Without going into detail I have had a relationship with someone go sour and in the aftermath I find myself struggling. Struggling to sort through it, analyze it, re-live it, talk about it, not talk about it and of course question it. I've read articles on forgiveness, books on self improvement and had many conversations with friends and family on the right path to choose. But honestly, it's really hard.

Forgiveness is a funny thing. Some say it's easier to forgive then forget, but I disagree. There are days that go by that I do forget that things have changed. I live those days in denial and am blissfully unaware. I look forward to those days.

The other days (which outnumber those blissful days listed above) I struggle with. I can talk a good game about forgiveness, give advice to those who ask (and even sometimes those who don't) and explain all the negatives associated with NOT forgiving. I can watch a Dr. Phil show about the damage you can do to yourself by holding on to anger and wholeheartedly agree with him. Even shaking my head at the person on t.v. for not seeing for themselves the damage it is doing to them and those around them.

Yet here I am stuck between the anger and the forgiveness. I know its not doing me any good to rehash all that has happened in my mind, day after day, but I feel helpless to stop it. I admit that some days I feel up to the challenge of "letting it all go" and on those days I do feel pretty good. Am I just in denial those days or is forgiveness something that needs to be worked at to keep it going? Is forgiveness a skill? The more you do it the better you get? If that's the case then I guess I need practice.

So I'll start here and now. I forgive you.